The 13 Best Black Metal Releases Of The Millenium!!!!

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EDITOR'S NOTE: I didn't want this to get published. However, I used to date Ms. Potempkin and borrowed some money from her father five years ago (who happens to be the head of an organized crime syndicate). There's only so much one can say when they have a 12-gauge pressed firmly into their scrotum while being dangled by their neck from a 12-story building. So, without further ado, here's:

The 13 Best Black Metal Releases Of The Millennium!!!! 

By Wendy "Battleship" Potempkin

HEY GUYS!!!! Here's an all-encompassing list of the best 13 BM releases from the millennium, excluding this year! I'll go ahead and start with 2015 and go backwards. Hope ya enjoy it ^_-

1. Ad Hominem - Antitheist

Nuko put this on once he got it last year, and I immediately had to go commando cuz...GOOEY!!! It's so great! I mean, it's probably their best album, and with songs like "Compulsive Extermination" and "Glory Hole Jesus," can you really go wrong?! Can I get a goddamn "Oh you know this, grrl!" up in this bitch?!

2. Ad Hominem - Slaves Of God To The Gallows (The Preemptive Strike 0.1 Reworks) EP

This HAS to be one of the greatest Industrial BM albums out there. I mean, come on. Just really?! Preemptive Strike 0.1 remixing some dope Ad Hominem tracks?!?!?!?! Fuck AND yes!!!

3. Ad Hominem - Dictator - A Monument Of Glory

OMG! "Encomium of Terror," is on this one, so is "Slaves of God"...it's too much...BRB's, my bean isn't going to flick itself! 

4. Ad Hominem - Theory:0

SUCH MUCH ASS KICK ON THIS. The cover of Unleashed's "Execute Them All" is better than tricking some guy at the bar into thinking he'll maybe get to sleep with you except he just ends up giving you free coke all night. Then ur like: "Laters! Gonna go home and listen to Theory:0, d-bag-face!"  UUUUHHHH....YEAH. Pretty much gonna have to talk to the hand if you say this isn't the bomb. Summoning sucks, so does your limited-edition Summoning t-shirt (t-SHIT if it's gotsa Summoning logo on it...ICK), and so do you. Why would you listen to shitty BM with this so easily available?

5. Ad Hominem - Climax Of Hatred

ONE WORD: THIS. This album is proof that there might be a god, but prolly still there isn't...but I give 0 fucks as long as this album is floating around out there somewheres!!! I'm more attracted to men who own this album than expensive cars. Nothing says I don't need a Mercedes because my dick isn't tiny like when a dude's rollin' up in a shitty car bumpin' "My Loudest Scream Of Hate."

6. Funeral Winds/ Leviathan /Ad Hominem / Eternity - Black Metal Against The World (Split) 

We gots Funeral Winds, Leviathan, this one band called Ad Hominem that rules, and Eternity up in this bitch, bitch! Who put's a four-way split release on their best of lists?! ME, THAT'S WHO. #YOLO

7. Geimhre / Ad Hominem - We Are The Wolves... You Are The Sheep / Black Sabbath (Split)

Hookz me up with this, and super size that shit. Xtra sauce? Nope, already need ta change dem panteez, gots plenty.

8. Ornaments Of Sin / Ad Hominem - Treaty Of Alliance (Agony Of A Dying Race) (Split)

They cover each others's's's' songs, and it roolz! LOLZ

9. Ad Hominem / Warfire - Purification (Split)

I'll bet the two guys on the cover aren't even attracted to each other. This split between these two great-ass bands will make you hornier than hell, and you'll end up just grabbing the nearest thing with a mouf, lips, and a tongue then start going at it. I DID!!!! ;)

10. Ad Hominem - A New Race For A New World

I suck at races...but I'd be in first place to get a good look at this new world they're talkin' 'bout (and I don't even know WHAT IT IS HAHAHA!!)!

11. Ad Hominem / Cantus Bestiae - Mankind's Suicide (Split)

All u basic bitches need to give Cantus Bestiae and Ad Hominem a round of 'hellz yeahz' 4 this 1. Make that like 9 to the infinite power of rounds!

12. Ad Hominem - Planet ZOG-The End

Hmmm...Not sure what a "ZOG" is, but put this on and I won't even care, even, ever!

--> 13. Ad Hominem – Omnes Ad Unum (Demo)

BEST. DEMO. EVERZ.

Urgehal - Aeons In Sodom

(ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN SLUG MAGAZINE, ISSUE 326-FEBRUARY 2016)

ORIGINAL ARTICLE: http://www.slugmag.com/national-music-reviews/urgehal-aeons-in-sodom/

SLUG (Salt Lake UnderGround) MAGAZINE HOMEPAGE: http://www.slugmag.com/

Urgehal
Aeons In Sodom

By Nuko Kapao

 

Season Of Mist
Street: 02.12
Urgehal = Impaled Nazarene + Carpathian Forest x Darkthrone

Urgehal are too often overlooked by dumbasses and hipsters (I know I’m being redundant) when discussing the “second wave” of black metal from Norway. The reasoning behind this is confusing to say the least—Urgehal should be held with religious veneration alongside the rest of the greats. These guys have arguably been at it much longer than their peers, or at least just as long, and deserve all that unearned respect you shitstains keep showering on Liturgy, whose manifesto on black metal should be illegal to own. I think one of you is going to need to take me to the hospital to get my rage hemorrhoid drained just from thinking about it (I’ll do a Cliffnotes version of the “manifesto”: shitty-scarf-wearing douche tries to emo-bukkake the coolest genre of metal with pretentious, rambling bullshit).

Now that that’s out of the way, it should be noted that Aeons in Sodom is somewhat unconventional in the way it was crafted. There isn’t a consistent vocalist throughout the tracks, which I wasn’t even aware of before I read the liner notes, despite my familiarity with the band. If you’ll allow me to describe the album in words Gordon Ramsay would use, it’s kind of like an updated, fresh and rustic approach to the band’s sound. Obviously it’s going to be different than past releases in some ways, but it still retains the essence of the band and much of what makes them unique (the almost Finnish Satanic anger, diabolical urgency and genuinely misanthropic feel of the sound). Perhaps most importantly, Aeons is a departure in some of the riffing, vocals and sound, with very good (albeit sorrowful) reason. The album is dedicated to the memory of Urgehal’s founding member Trondr Nefas (may he rest in peace). To pay their respects, many well-known O.G.s in black metal community make vocal appearances and guest guitar solos (side effects of which may include sexual arousal/melted facial features) on the album. I’ll name-drop a few of the more noteworthy guests: Nocturno Culto (Darkthrone), Niklas Kvarforth (Shining, Skitliv), Nattefrost (Carpathian Forest) and even a keyboard contribution courtesy of Lars Fredrik Frøislie (Tusmørke).

Instrumentally and aurally, this is a Norwegian black metal album made by a Norwegian black metal band. It showcases a breadth of skill by the full-time members and the contributors. Fast/holy-shit-that’s-fast, slow and mid-paced drumming, tremolo-thrashing guitars, and vocals that are consistent but not monotonous (despite the number individual performances) abound throughout, and the songs stand out on their own. “Forgettable” is a word I wouldn’t use except to illustrate inversely that the songs are memorable as shit. Aeons in Sodom opens with a disconcerting intro called “Dødsrite”: whispers are progressively drizzled with guitar feedback, and I did laugh a little when somebody in a thick Scandinavian accent starts yelling over all this to introduce the band and album—“WE ARE URGEHAL, AND WE ARE HERE TO FUCKING DESTROY YOU!” Even though I was already well aware to whom I was listening, I did appreciate the memo about their mission statement.

I was initially going to give this a raving review … and still am, a stark-raving review at that, because the cover of Autopsy’s “Twisted Mass of Burnt Decay” makes this even more of a masterpiece. Pack your bags—I guess we’re going to Sodom for an indefinite amount of time.