Pandaemonic Enlightenment: The 13 Best Black Metal Releases Of The Millenium!!!!

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EDITOR'S NOTE: I didn't want this to get published. However, I used to date Ms. Potempkin and borrowed some money from her father five years ago (who happens to be the head of an organized crime syndicate). There's only so much one can say when they have a 12-gauge pressed firmly into their scrotum while being dangled by their neck from a 12-story building. So, without further ado, here's:

The 13 Best Black Metal Releases Of The Millennium!!!!

By Wendy "Battleship" Potempkin

HEY GUYS!!!! Here's an all-encompassing list of the best 13 BM releases from the millennium, excluding this year! I'll go ahead and start with 2015 and go backwards. Hope ya enjoy it ^_-

1. Ad Hominem - Antitheist

Nuko put this on once he got it last year, and I immediately had to go commando cuz...GOOEY!!! It's so great! I mean, it's probably their best album, and with songs like "Compulsive Extermination" and "Glory Hole Jesus," can you really go wrong?! Can I get a goddamn "Oh you know this, grrl!" up in this bitch?!

2. Ad Hominem - Slaves Of God To The Gallows (The Preemptive Strike 0.1 Reworks) EP

This HAS to be one of the greatest Industrial BM albums out there. I mean, come on. Just really?! Preemptive Strike 0.1 remixing some dope Ad Hominem tracks?!?!?!?! Fuck AND yes!!!

3. Ad Hominem - Dictator - A Monument Of Glory

OMG! "Encomium of Terror," is on this one, so is "Slaves of God"...it's too much...BRB's, my bean isn't going to flick itself!

4. Ad Hominem - Theory:0

SUCH MUCH ASS KICK ON THIS. The cover of Unleashed's "Execute Them All" is better than tricking some guy at the bar into thinking he'll maybe get to sleep with you except he just ends up giving you free coke all night. Then ur like: "Laters! Gonna go home and listen to Theory:0, d-bag-face!" UUUUHHHH....YEAH. Pretty much gonna have to talk to the hand if you say this isn't the bomb. Summoning sucks, so does your limited-edition Summoning t-shirt (t-SHIT if it's gotsa Summoning logo on it...ICK), and so do you. Why would you listen to shitty BM with this so easily available?

5. Ad Hominem - Climax Of Hatred

ONE WORD: THIS. This album is proof that there might be a god, but prolly still there isn't...but I give 0 fucks as long as this album is floating around out there somewheres!!! I'm more attracted to men who own this album than expensive cars. Nothing says I don't need a Mercedes because my dick isn't tiny like when a dude's rollin' up in a shitty car bumpin' "My Loudest Scream Of Hate."

6. Funeral Winds/ Leviathan /Ad Hominem / Eternity - Black Metal Against The World (Split)

We gots Funeral Winds, Leviathan, this one band called Ad Hominem that rules, and Eternity up in this bitch, bitch! Who put's a four-way split release on their best of lists?! ME, THAT'S WHO. #YOLO

7. Geimhre / Ad Hominem - We Are The Wolves... You Are The Sheep / Black Sabbath (Split)

Hookz me up with this, and super size that shit. Xtra sauce? Nope, already need ta change dem panteez, gots plenty.

8. Ornaments Of Sin / Ad Hominem - Treaty Of Alliance (Agony Of A Dying Race) (Split)

They cover each others's's's' songs, and it roolz! LOLZ

9. Ad Hominem / Warfire - Purification (Split)

I'll bet the two guys on the cover aren't even attracted to each other. This split between these two great-ass bands will make you hornier than hell, and you'll end up just grabbing the nearest thing with a mouf, lips, and a tongue then start going at it. I DID!!!! ;)

10. Ad Hominem - A New Race For A New World